Sunday, November 12, 2017

Blogging Not Blogging

Well apparently I don't blog anymore. I've reflected on why this is, and I guess it's a mix of a ton of different things. I remember in the past I would come home from teaching and be all bustling to dissect my day and thoughts and school experiences on this blog. Now? Not so much. 

Reasons (in no particular order):

1. I am (still) grieving, and most of my non-school effort is about self-care. I go to kickboxing 3 nights a week when other things don't interfere. I am not staying late at school on any day and choose instead to tutor during the mornings and lunchtimes. I am trying to get to bed at 8:30 pm so that my 4:30 am wake up alarm to go running or stretching is not so jarring. It seems to take all my energy to not be a puddle of tears these days. I am one of those annoying people that if before my husband died I had heard about someone else grieving "still" after 2 years, I would think they would "just need to move on" or something else ridiculous. I would like to go kick myself in the younger, non-widowed ass. 

2. I am teaching 4 different subjects and most of my work time and more weekends than I would like are spent in prepping for them. I like the variety of challenges, but whew it's draining sometimes. Still trying to work out the APCS A bugs and getting my first-time-ever programming kids up to speed in a fun and effective way.

3. Too many people that know me in "real life" know about my blog, so it seems weirder now to just blather on than if it was just "strangers" reading this. The same thing happened with my Instagram "exercise" account. I really don't appreciate whoever programs those things for the fact that they probably scrub through all your data and friends and find links and then "suggest" you to people. Now I have former students looking at my exercise-clothed body and that is just too weird, so I have stopped posting there, too. 

4. Most of my "new" things I am trying in my classes this year have more to do with "the whole kid" as opposed to my subjects. I am trying more mindfulness things and more connecting with the kids things and more cheerleading them on to trying challenging problems things.

Anyway. All this to say that I now lift the guilt of not blogging off my shoulders. I still love learning from the MTBoS and twitter and other blogs, so I appreciate everyone else that steps up to the contributing plate and shares with us. 

3 comments:

  1. This is heartbreaking. 2 years is not much with grieving. You will “move on” when you’re darn ready. I cannot imagine the daily stress and exhaustion of teaching on top of losing a spouse. Keep you the self-work. Love from Mississippi.

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  2. I feel for you. I remember our day in NYC and how you talked about meeting your husband and flying home with him. The pain might never leave but I hope it lessens.

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  3. Shireen, Your presence is missed, you are loved, and please keep taking care of yourself! Thank you for sharing your heartache and not trying to "get over" your loss before you are ready. We here is Northern California (heart of the Tubbs Fire) need to hear these words.

    Love from Sonoma County, California

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